DeWalt DW735 13" Thickness Planer
Yes,
it's loud. Yes, it's heavy. Yes, it's uh, yellow. Yellow? Yes, yellow. Having said
that, it is still a great planer. It sports two speeds, both of which leave a finish
smoother than Jessica Alba's bottom. Truthfully, I don't see a lot of difference
between the two (finishing speeds, that is). And, contrary to all logic and those
pesky laws of physics, I noticed more tear-out at the slower/more cuts per inch
(CPI) speed. Well, one time. This was on highly-figured (speaking of Jessica Alba)
mahogany, or what passes for mahogany these days. Brazilian, Honduran, African,
none of the above, all of the above? Who knows? But large chunks of it were missing
after a pass through the planer set at 135 CPI. This may have been a one-off, but
it made me a bit gun-shy after ruining an irreplaceable panel. Note to self: test
pieces are your friend.
So, it’s time to decide. Try the next panel the same way and hope for the best?
Replace the panel with the prototype poplar panel and stain it to look like mahogany,
‘cause no one can tell the difference anyway, right? RIGHT? Wrong, I went with option
3 – try it on the faster/fewer CPI speed. What the heck, I’ve already ruined one
panel, at worst I’ll have a matching set. After pricing a store-bought dining room
table, I noticed that for an extra charge, you can have the piece distressed. Well,
with my technique, I can have that with no additional work or cost! Fantastic, I’ve
discovered my very own get rich quick scheme. With NO bank transfers to Nigeria.
Bonus.
So what are the results? No tear-out on the second panel. What does this prove?
Nothing. Every board is unique, and is subject to its own internal stresses, like
trying to keep a thankless job while its worthless cousin Hank does nothing but
eat Cheeto’s on its new couch and grab its wife’s ass when he thinks you’re not
looking. I mean, it’s not looking.
After trying to duplicate the disastrous results of the first panel, I was unable
to, and now have a collection of really thin boards that I can use as parchment
paper for wrapping fish. So, good news - it was probably just operator error. Well,
good news for whoever else buys this planer. Bad news for me, since I was the operator.
So, I started focusing on improving my technique. I got side-tracked for a little
while, because if you search the internet for things to improve your technique,
you wouldn’t believe what you find. Eventually I settled down and realized I was
doing everything correctly. Well, not according to that website in the Netherlands,
but I don’t think that’s physically possible anyway. Since this planer is so simple
to operate, I would have to really work hard to screw it up, and if there’s anything
I hate, its hard work. So that ruled that out. Must be the wood. So I prepared an
extremely detailed scientific experiment involving lots of test tubes and flashing
lights and machines that go bing. But all I came up with was this stupid little
device that won’t stop moving no matter how long I let it sit. Back to the drawing
board. I theorized that the figure of the wood, combined with the above mentioned
stresses, and the exact feed angle into the planer could cause unexpected results.
To test my theory, I carefully examined the beautifully ruined panel that took many
hours to complete and decided the best course of action was to throw it as hard
as I could against a cinderblock wall. Just as I thought, the damn thing broke to
pieces. Stupid wood.
Conclusion
Run, don’t walk (yes, even you with the scissors) to your nearest big guy tool emporium
and get yourself one of these. Or better yet, use the handy link to order it through
Amazon (this helps to support the site, and allows me to have lectricity in the
house). They’ll ship it right to your door and you can sit back and drink more beer
instead of having to deal with all those idiot drivers out there, who are always
cutting you off, never signal, all the while stuffing their fat faces with one hand,
while spewing their idiocy into the ear of whoever was dumb enough to talk to them
on their cell phone in the other. Anyway, mention my name and they’ll put it in
a box for you, at no extra cost. A big yellow box. A big yellow, limited edition
box. With tape. Sweet!
Accessories
There’s also a link to a much-needed accessory – the folding extension tables. These
provide more support for your wood (heh, heh) as you run it through the planer.
Normally, snipe isn’t too much of a problem, but if you are running a long piece
through, these help alot.
Another "accessory" that is actually a necessity - spare blades. These guys are
double-sided. A bit on the expensive side, but they make up for it by being really
shiny.